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What Is Going On in Their Heads?


(Originally written for The Baldwin Bulletin: Pastor's Column May 4, 2022)

And the LORD said to Moses, “Go down, for your people, whom you brought up out of the land of Egypt, have corrupted themselves. They have turned aside quickly out of the way that I commanded them…I have seen this people, and behold, it is a stiff-necked people. Now therefore let me alone, that my wrath may burn hot against them and I may consume them, in order that I may make a great nation of you”…[But] the LORD relented from the disaster that he had spoken of bringing on his people. (Exodus 32:7-14)

The LORD passed before [Moses] and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children and the children’s children, to the third and fourth generation.” (Exodus 34:6-7)

As a dad of a 7-year-old, a 5-year-old, and a nearly 1-year-old, there are plenty of moments daily when I’m wondering what’s going on in their heads. Having begun to walk over the last few weeks, our youngest has a newfound sense of exploration, but she’s still learning what she can and can’t do—which is a lot of what she sees her older siblings doing. Our middle child is very smart and extremely stubborn, which make for a lethal combination trying to get him to do things when his mind is made up against us. Our oldest is plenty smart as well—she knows and knows how to do plenty of things, but every now and then it’s like all that completely disappears.

My wife and I regularly find ourselves not understanding why each of our children does certain things. Yes, we know, “They’re just kids. This is normal. They’ve got a lot of growing to do” But that doesn’t make it easier.

As difficult, terrifying, frustrating, enjoyable, and incredible as parenting is, it has grown my insight about the patience and graciousness of our God. He is the Creator—and not just the Creator of some human beings, but all human beings. He is the one who had freed Israel from Egypt and had made them his covenant people before they decided to break the laws he set in place, which warranted God’s reaction in Exodus 32. He is perfectly good, and he is perfect in his mercy, grace, anger, love, and faithfulness. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities (Psalm 103:10). We don’t face the full brunt of what we deserve for our transgressions.

If you have a chance to read Leviticus 26, you’ll find there promised blessings or rewards God would give his people if they would simply walk with him. That’s followed by curses or punishments he also promised, if they didn’t listen to him—which they ended up getting. Why punish his own? To correct them. To cause them to see that they had broken the covenant they promised to uphold. At the end of that chapter, God graciously reminds them, “But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors…which made me hostile toward them…I will remember my covenant…The covenant…to be their God. I am the LORD.” What were their sins? “…Their unfaithfulness and their hostility toward me…” (Leviticus 26:40-45).

God is a gracious and generous Father—a Father not just to Jesus, but the Father of all who seek him by faith through Jesus. We get adopted to be his children! God the Father takes the sacrifice of Jesus as a substitute for the eternal punishment we deserve. If I look at my kids and wonder what’s going on in their heads, remember God sees and knows and hears the actions, thoughts, motives, intents, and speech of every single human being. How frustrating and angering that must be if the righteousness, the perfect obedience of Jesus is not dealing with all our sin and brokenness. God knew the Old Testament Israelites were sinners just as he knows that we are still sinners today, and yet he continues to call us to holiness. Our Spirit-filled pursuit of holiness is not just to try and avoid making God angry, but it’s our expression of love and gratitude for all that he has done for us.

Parents, we won’t ever make sense of all that’s going on in our kids’ heads. It’s worth being reminded—myself included—they’re not the only imperfect ones in the relationship. We’ve got our own sin and brokenness, too. One huge area where the connection between God the Father and his children and us as parents with our children breaks down is if we fool ourselves that we’ve got it all right. But even in our brokenness, God does call us to love and to discipline our children, discipling them to a knowledge of Jesus and to know what is right and wrong. While there are larger covenant bonds that the church participates in, we, too, have covenant bonds to our children to show God’s love and lead them to see his ways. As much as we can, let’s put God in their heads.

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